As promised, I have part 2 of the list of GDI activities. This list, by the way, is potentially endless. Would you like to know why? It's because GDIs enjoy family reunions (sans alcohol), virtual chess, and long distance running in copious amounts. With that knowledge, it's no wonder why GDIs are never bored.
1) College Orientation: Aside from your RA, there won't be a soul that will encourage you to come to orientation activities. Oh, nevermind. There's one soul that will. The GDI on your floor. They abide by schedules. They don't like the female RA, but will abide by her rules (and suck her feet most likely). And they will guilt trip you into attending the "Icebreaker" session. GDIs will accept. Fratbrahskies will kindly decline and play Madden '08.
2) Autograph Sessions: Question for you. Do you see that 9 year old hanging over the rail, asking for Tony Gwynn's signature? You do? Good. Then, unless you are a complete GDI, you will not go and join him. First, Tony Gwynn is retired, so he wouldnt be on the field signing autographs. Second, even if he was, your GDI desire to go down there and talk to him is slightly strange. Autographs are for kids. The limit for "kids" is 14 years old. If you venture, even for one step, down those stairs, then you are classifying yourself as a GDI. You don't need an expert like myself to tell you that. Grow up.
3) http://studenthome.nku.edu/~russelljo/flash/dudefalling.swf <----- This is definitely not GDI. This is frat. It is worth watching.
4) Finally, my last entry is _____ parties. Substitute "GDI-free" into that blank, and you have a sweet, non GDI, party. Otherwise, your party is fucked. "Housewarming" parties, "Baby-shower" parties, "Dormitory" parties... you might as well say, "Let's throw a party so that we can avoid a fraternity party" party... and while you're at it, proclaim yourself a GDI and throw yourself out of orbit and into outer space. You will surely die (unless you've uncovered the secrets of staying on earth in a frat house).
-I'm in a Frat.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Did you know...
Did you know Roal Dahl's book "The Witches" was originally based on GDIs? Yes, it is very true. Remember these important facts while going through your daily trials and tribulations to know how to identify GDIs and stay away from them at all times:
1. GDIs eyes glow purple.
2. To a GDI, a child smells like dog droppings.
3. GDIs always wear gloves because their hands are secretly shaped like claws.
Beware the grandmaster GDI whoever he is...
1. GDIs eyes glow purple.
2. To a GDI, a child smells like dog droppings.
3. GDIs always wear gloves because their hands are secretly shaped like claws.
Beware the grandmaster GDI whoever he is...
Monday, August 27, 2007
GDIs Do a lot of Lame Shit Part 1
To help aid you in your pursuit of fratiness. We've compiled a list of things that should be avoided at all costs... no questions asked. If you must do one of these things... get one of your GDI "acquaintances" to do them. And if they require payment, only offer a case of Beast Light.
Photography- Photography is not to be confused with fratography. Fratography is whipping out he cell device and snapping an embarrassing pic of one of your cronies. Photography is getting all of your buddies together to pose for a group shot. Not only is that unappealing to the opposite sex, but rest assured that other non GDIs are judging you... and they're not impressed.
Interior Decorating- This doesn't really need explanation, but some may be confused. Interior decorating should be a completely foreign alien to the fraternity man. Fraterior decoration should only consist of a shitty poster (think sports team, not beer, posters), and a picture of your dog. You can possibly have empty beer bottles and cans lying around too, just to show people that you mean business and don't take shit from anyone. But those are problematic when your parents come around. We don't want them thinking you have a drinking problem, even though you do.
Homemade gifts- Ugh. Don't make me sick. It's like saying, "I love you, but not enough to spend any money on you." And don't give me that, "it's the thought that counts" shit. It doesn't. Noone wants a cheap piece of shit as a gift. Arts and Crafts suck, and that's why sucky GDIs love them. Don't sink to their level. You've got the money, use it. If you have to be cheap, buy the other party a case of swill beer.
Writing songs- What are you, a fucking hippy? John Lennon? Get fucked.
Ultimate Frisbee- This is the international sport of the GDI. It is a cousin of regular frisbee, except much dooshier. GDIs claim this is physical fitness and a sport. Well, it's not. It takes no athleticism to be good at. It takes no effort. I could go out there and beat you right now, but I won't. Know why? Because Ultimate players have terrible hygiene and their babes are hideous.
That's all for now. I'll have more GDI activities later.
-I'm in a Frat
Photography- Photography is not to be confused with fratography. Fratography is whipping out he cell device and snapping an embarrassing pic of one of your cronies. Photography is getting all of your buddies together to pose for a group shot. Not only is that unappealing to the opposite sex, but rest assured that other non GDIs are judging you... and they're not impressed.
Interior Decorating- This doesn't really need explanation, but some may be confused. Interior decorating should be a completely foreign alien to the fraternity man. Fraterior decoration should only consist of a shitty poster (think sports team, not beer, posters), and a picture of your dog. You can possibly have empty beer bottles and cans lying around too, just to show people that you mean business and don't take shit from anyone. But those are problematic when your parents come around. We don't want them thinking you have a drinking problem, even though you do.
Homemade gifts- Ugh. Don't make me sick. It's like saying, "I love you, but not enough to spend any money on you." And don't give me that, "it's the thought that counts" shit. It doesn't. Noone wants a cheap piece of shit as a gift. Arts and Crafts suck, and that's why sucky GDIs love them. Don't sink to their level. You've got the money, use it. If you have to be cheap, buy the other party a case of swill beer.
Writing songs- What are you, a fucking hippy? John Lennon? Get fucked.
Ultimate Frisbee- This is the international sport of the GDI. It is a cousin of regular frisbee, except much dooshier. GDIs claim this is physical fitness and a sport. Well, it's not. It takes no athleticism to be good at. It takes no effort. I could go out there and beat you right now, but I won't. Know why? Because Ultimate players have terrible hygiene and their babes are hideous.
That's all for now. I'll have more GDI activities later.
-I'm in a Frat
"Taking it easy"
The phrase seems harmless enough, you probably hear it at least once a day maybe more if you are a true frat dude. Taking it easy is the motto or slogan of GDIS worldwide. You probably have been fratting out at a bar or at a party and have had some GDI tell you to "take it easy." The only appropriate response is to tell the person to fuck off and never talk to them again. Anyone who tells you to take it easy is not your friend but a GDI in disguise probably trying to harm you and maybe even your family. If anyone tells you to take it easy you should also do the exact opposite of what they say and step up your fratting, this can usually be accomplished by rapidly doing shots while at a bar. Remember moderation is for GDIS
I Have the List of 10 Best Frat Movies Ever
Seeing as how everyone wants to know what King Scav thinks at all times, I've decided to oblige the pitiful masses by blessing them with my knowledge. This is my top ten list of movies of all time. Accordingly, it will become YOUR top ten list of all time, because I do the thinking for you. Without further adieu, "KING SCAV's LIST OF KINGLY MOVIES".
10) 50 Cent's "Get Rich or Die Trying"- This movie inspired millions of upper middle class white men to try their hand at gangster freestyle rap. Many critics believe that Eminem's "8 Mile" is a superior flick; however, I beg to differ. "Get Rich or Die Trying" is a true underdog story. 50 cent got shot in the f*cking face 9 times. Beat that.
9) 1986 Transformers- You are not a true man of the 80s if you don't know who Unicron, Hot Rod, and Galvatron are. Aside from Megatron's total pwning of Optimus Prime in the film's opening minutes, the movie provides a ultra-realistic representation of what our future is like.
8) Maverick- Mel Gibson will appear again on this list. This movie, which is amongst his more underrated efforts, shows what a true frat mutant Mel Gibson is. He's got magical card skills, bangs out with a harem of whores, and survives a hanging. I'll have more on Mel later; but for now, just know that he is a better person than you.
7) Top Gun- I hesitated to put this here, because even GDIs claim to love this movie. However, Top Gun's cultural impact is simply undeniable. The beach volleyball scene made it OK for frat dudes to get oiled up and homoerotic at times if it means gratuitous flexing and Ray-Ban aviators. Not to mention the token black guy's support performance on Tom Cruise's rendition of "You've lost that loving feeling".
6) Rocky IV- I hate putting this on here for the same reason that I hate putting Top Gun on here. However, the ramifications of Sylvester Stallone's monumentous performance (ending the Cold War, essentially) can still be felt to this day. GDIs claim they love the music. GDIs love to do their "ADRIENNE" impressions. However, what true frat behemoths come to appreciate are the subtle nuances of Apollo Creed and James Brown's performance of "Living in America". It is everything a frat monstrosity should strive for. Extravagance, boisterousness, arrogance, and sororstitutes. I made the last one up, but I think a lot of dudes get a lot of pleasure seeing Ivan Drago roiding up throughout the movie. The true frat dragon's way.
5)Godfather Part 1- To any ninny that thinks Part 2 is better, I say get bent and suck it. You are wrong and know nothing about anything, making you the dumbest person ever. In all seriousness though, Part 1 is superior in every way to Part 2. Especially because Sonny Corleone (James Caan) is the greatest cinematic character ever (at least up until this point in the list). Sonny doesn't give a shit about his wife, doesn't care about killing GDI turks (Solozzo aka Emre Guzelsu), and wears the illest suspenders ever. Part 2 is garbage because it focuses on that wuss-bot Fredo. As Paul Marino would say, if you liked PART 2 more, then you can take a long walk off a short dock... or something like that.
4) Major League 2- I almost don't even need to explain this one. This is, I believe, on every single movie critic's list of top ten movies of all time. Charlie Sheen is brilliant as Wild Thing Ricky Vaughan. Omar Epps (though he is no Wesley Snipes), is serviceable as he coins terms such as "Suggy Duggy now!". And best of all... Tanaka. I don't know how that crazy asian climbed that wall, but he became a true hero way before pretenders such as Hideo Nomo, Dice K, and Hideki Matsucki ever bothered to venture across the ocean. I hope he gets inducted into the hall of fame one day. And Roger Dorn is dice. (Honorable mention goes to Major League 1)
This is it, the top 3. Listen up close, because if you bother learning anything from my sheer brilliance, it should be that these are the best three movies in the universe. Period.
3) 300- I know people may be surprised that this movie is not number 1 on my list. After all, it has it all. 1)Massive GDI Persian killing (see modern day equivalent, Turkey's own Emre Dooshzelsu, who resembles Xerxes in every way). 2) Guys that were able to hide the fact that they obviously did steroids (incredible feat). 3) The Sword Arms fat thing, and, most importantly 4), more GDI killing. My only qualm is that Leonidas dies. I know history CLAIMS that Leonidas died; however, Leonidas lives on today in every true frat dude that walks this earth. And I don't mean metaphorically. He's immortal.
2) Braveheart- This movie is a close second to my #1 movie. Mel Gibson, despite his recent fall from grace, proves why he is a man amongst frat men. He is a hero to us all and shows us what it means to be brave. All men want to be him, and all Irish men want to have sex with him (me included). This, despite the fact that he was born in Australia. A truly amazing feat. Would be the best movie of all times, even in the eyes of God and Allah, had it not been for...
1) Bloodsport- No huge surprise here. Where to begin? Uhhh, let's start with the opening montage. Let's continue with American heartthrob Ray Jackson (the beer guzzling, hairy as hell, asian girl loving bear of a man). Let's go on to the Dim Sun aka "Touch of Death". How about the guy who goes, "OK USA!" And what am I forgetting? Oh yea. The fucking fighting. Chong Li aka Casey Dohme kills a dude, breaks another guys shin, and puts Ray (unfortunately) into the hospital. Then he blinds Jean Claude Van Damme. But guess what? Van Damme fucking stars in this movie... not Chong Li. And thus, Jean Claude Van Damme kicks the shit out of him and even gets him to say Mattei. If that doesn't get your blood pumping, then you are a GDI corpse and deserve to go watch stupid movies like Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre...losers.
So there you have it. The first entry into the bible of King Scav. Feel free to comment, but if anyone says anything negative, trust that I will ignore it... for you are insane, inane, and incompetent.
I hope you enjoyed. And if you didn't, then I don't care.
-I'm in a Frat
10) 50 Cent's "Get Rich or Die Trying"- This movie inspired millions of upper middle class white men to try their hand at gangster freestyle rap. Many critics believe that Eminem's "8 Mile" is a superior flick; however, I beg to differ. "Get Rich or Die Trying" is a true underdog story. 50 cent got shot in the f*cking face 9 times. Beat that.
9) 1986 Transformers- You are not a true man of the 80s if you don't know who Unicron, Hot Rod, and Galvatron are. Aside from Megatron's total pwning of Optimus Prime in the film's opening minutes, the movie provides a ultra-realistic representation of what our future is like.
8) Maverick- Mel Gibson will appear again on this list. This movie, which is amongst his more underrated efforts, shows what a true frat mutant Mel Gibson is. He's got magical card skills, bangs out with a harem of whores, and survives a hanging. I'll have more on Mel later; but for now, just know that he is a better person than you.
7) Top Gun- I hesitated to put this here, because even GDIs claim to love this movie. However, Top Gun's cultural impact is simply undeniable. The beach volleyball scene made it OK for frat dudes to get oiled up and homoerotic at times if it means gratuitous flexing and Ray-Ban aviators. Not to mention the token black guy's support performance on Tom Cruise's rendition of "You've lost that loving feeling".
6) Rocky IV- I hate putting this on here for the same reason that I hate putting Top Gun on here. However, the ramifications of Sylvester Stallone's monumentous performance (ending the Cold War, essentially) can still be felt to this day. GDIs claim they love the music. GDIs love to do their "ADRIENNE" impressions. However, what true frat behemoths come to appreciate are the subtle nuances of Apollo Creed and James Brown's performance of "Living in America". It is everything a frat monstrosity should strive for. Extravagance, boisterousness, arrogance, and sororstitutes. I made the last one up, but I think a lot of dudes get a lot of pleasure seeing Ivan Drago roiding up throughout the movie. The true frat dragon's way.
5)Godfather Part 1- To any ninny that thinks Part 2 is better, I say get bent and suck it. You are wrong and know nothing about anything, making you the dumbest person ever. In all seriousness though, Part 1 is superior in every way to Part 2. Especially because Sonny Corleone (James Caan) is the greatest cinematic character ever (at least up until this point in the list). Sonny doesn't give a shit about his wife, doesn't care about killing GDI turks (Solozzo aka Emre Guzelsu), and wears the illest suspenders ever. Part 2 is garbage because it focuses on that wuss-bot Fredo. As Paul Marino would say, if you liked PART 2 more, then you can take a long walk off a short dock... or something like that.
4) Major League 2- I almost don't even need to explain this one. This is, I believe, on every single movie critic's list of top ten movies of all time. Charlie Sheen is brilliant as Wild Thing Ricky Vaughan. Omar Epps (though he is no Wesley Snipes), is serviceable as he coins terms such as "Suggy Duggy now!". And best of all... Tanaka. I don't know how that crazy asian climbed that wall, but he became a true hero way before pretenders such as Hideo Nomo, Dice K, and Hideki Matsucki ever bothered to venture across the ocean. I hope he gets inducted into the hall of fame one day. And Roger Dorn is dice. (Honorable mention goes to Major League 1)
This is it, the top 3. Listen up close, because if you bother learning anything from my sheer brilliance, it should be that these are the best three movies in the universe. Period.
3) 300- I know people may be surprised that this movie is not number 1 on my list. After all, it has it all. 1)Massive GDI Persian killing (see modern day equivalent, Turkey's own Emre Dooshzelsu, who resembles Xerxes in every way). 2) Guys that were able to hide the fact that they obviously did steroids (incredible feat). 3) The Sword Arms fat thing, and, most importantly 4), more GDI killing. My only qualm is that Leonidas dies. I know history CLAIMS that Leonidas died; however, Leonidas lives on today in every true frat dude that walks this earth. And I don't mean metaphorically. He's immortal.
2) Braveheart- This movie is a close second to my #1 movie. Mel Gibson, despite his recent fall from grace, proves why he is a man amongst frat men. He is a hero to us all and shows us what it means to be brave. All men want to be him, and all Irish men want to have sex with him (me included). This, despite the fact that he was born in Australia. A truly amazing feat. Would be the best movie of all times, even in the eyes of God and Allah, had it not been for...
1) Bloodsport- No huge surprise here. Where to begin? Uhhh, let's start with the opening montage. Let's continue with American heartthrob Ray Jackson (the beer guzzling, hairy as hell, asian girl loving bear of a man). Let's go on to the Dim Sun aka "Touch of Death". How about the guy who goes, "OK USA!" And what am I forgetting? Oh yea. The fucking fighting. Chong Li aka Casey Dohme kills a dude, breaks another guys shin, and puts Ray (unfortunately) into the hospital. Then he blinds Jean Claude Van Damme. But guess what? Van Damme fucking stars in this movie... not Chong Li. And thus, Jean Claude Van Damme kicks the shit out of him and even gets him to say Mattei. If that doesn't get your blood pumping, then you are a GDI corpse and deserve to go watch stupid movies like Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre...losers.
So there you have it. The first entry into the bible of King Scav. Feel free to comment, but if anyone says anything negative, trust that I will ignore it... for you are insane, inane, and incompetent.
I hope you enjoyed. And if you didn't, then I don't care.
-I'm in a Frat
A Fraternity is not a "Frat"
GDIs round this world, pay attention. At this point in your life, a Fraternity is most definitely something you will never ever experience (kind of like the way you never get laid). The reason: you were never man enough to pledge a frat.
Oh wait GDI, you caught me in a contradiction! I just used the word “frat.” All that time in the dorms studying and voting for a non-co-ed bathroom and weekend quiet hours really gave you one intellectual leg up on me. Well let me tell you something GDI: it does not matter that I used the word “frat.” I am in a fraternity and can therefore use it. Why? Because I pledged and that denotes me the authority to call my fraternity whatever I want to call it.
However, to the unaffiliated, a Fraternity is not a “Frat.” Lets be honest here GDI, would you call your beloved country a cunt?
Oh wait GDI, you caught me in a contradiction! I just used the word “frat.” All that time in the dorms studying and voting for a non-co-ed bathroom and weekend quiet hours really gave you one intellectual leg up on me. Well let me tell you something GDI: it does not matter that I used the word “frat.” I am in a fraternity and can therefore use it. Why? Because I pledged and that denotes me the authority to call my fraternity whatever I want to call it.
However, to the unaffiliated, a Fraternity is not a “Frat.” Lets be honest here GDI, would you call your beloved country a cunt?
New Poster
Today is an extremely exciting day. Today we welcome a legitimate fraternity citizen. In the history of fraternities, few frats have been able to say that they have had a president who is both responsible and witty. This blogternity feels privileged to say that it does. Our newest (and arguably wittiest) poster is eloquent, responsible, and fraternal enough to merit a part in our program. Listen to his advice, for he combines duty with booty. He knows when to study and when to party. He has glasses, but he also smacks asses. He is the rare combination of responsibility and fraternilibity.... please welcome and appreciate FormerFratPrez, the greatest president in the history of (mine, his, our) fraternities.
-I'm in a Frat
-I'm in a Frat
Friday, August 24, 2007
Frats are For Guys Who Have Friends
Let's expand upon "Frattiest's" last post. #3 raises an interesting, albeit non-consequential argument against fraternity life.
"Fraternities are for guys who have to pay for friends."
Let's break this down point by point.
1) Bullshit. Wanna know why? It's because guys who pledge frats already have hundreds of friends. Their fathers and uncles and older brothers are probably already millionaires; naturally, they want their little brody to follow in their footsteps by making connections with other highly motivated, charismatic, success stories. Geeds that decide not to pledge obviously come from a poor or non-charismatic family.
2) Geeds don't have friends. Does anyone you know like a GDI? After all, who's better to have as a friend? A fraternity brother who likes to have fun, or B) a GDI who likes to bag on and judge people that like to have fun?
3) Please count on your hand how many frat dudes have turned out to be EMO. I'll give you a second... Now count the number of GDIs who are EMO bozos... it's simple math. In fact, "It's Science."
"Fraternities are for guys who have to pay for friends."
Let's break this down point by point.
1) Bullshit. Wanna know why? It's because guys who pledge frats already have hundreds of friends. Their fathers and uncles and older brothers are probably already millionaires; naturally, they want their little brody to follow in their footsteps by making connections with other highly motivated, charismatic, success stories. Geeds that decide not to pledge obviously come from a poor or non-charismatic family.
2) Geeds don't have friends. Does anyone you know like a GDI? After all, who's better to have as a friend? A fraternity brother who likes to have fun, or B) a GDI who likes to bag on and judge people that like to have fun?
3) Please count on your hand how many frat dudes have turned out to be EMO. I'll give you a second... Now count the number of GDIs who are EMO bozos... it's simple math. In fact, "It's Science."
GDI FACTS
For those who may not understand why GDIS are so awful I want to post a list of GDI facts so people can be aware of why GDIS (prenounced geeds) are so awful and how to spot a GDI when you see one.
1. Despite popular beliefs GDIS often do frequent bars but will usually be seen not with a beer or strongly mixed drink but with beverages including mike's hard lemonaide, margaritas, or the very worst a beverage with no alcohol at all ( in this case they may be acting as the DD or designated driver, all designated drivers are automatically GDIS)
2. GDIS love school organized alcoholic free or limited events, they live for this stuff. So if your school is hosting any of these events stay away because they are GDI hangouts, any frat dudes attending will automatically be assumed to be a GDI.
3. GDIS will often try to insult frat dudes because they are jealous. If anyone says something to you like " oh your in a frat, you must buy your friends" they are a GDI and probaly contemplating suicide because they didn't pledge.
More to come soon
1. Despite popular beliefs GDIS often do frequent bars but will usually be seen not with a beer or strongly mixed drink but with beverages including mike's hard lemonaide, margaritas, or the very worst a beverage with no alcohol at all ( in this case they may be acting as the DD or designated driver, all designated drivers are automatically GDIS)
2. GDIS love school organized alcoholic free or limited events, they live for this stuff. So if your school is hosting any of these events stay away because they are GDI hangouts, any frat dudes attending will automatically be assumed to be a GDI.
3. GDIS will often try to insult frat dudes because they are jealous. If anyone says something to you like " oh your in a frat, you must buy your friends" they are a GDI and probaly contemplating suicide because they didn't pledge.
More to come soon
Inaugaration
Welcome to www.geedsstink.blogspot.com. This website, as the address suggests, is dedicated to telling the world how much GDIs stink. It's even dedicated to GDIs with the hope that we can draw them out of their own state of denial and delusion. The website is not meant to simply glorify fraternities. It is not meant to be confused with sites such as www.frattinghard.com. Our purpose is to remind GDIs what they are. God Damned Independents (and losers, overall).
We'll try our best to keep this site from being overtly offensive, but there are no guarantees. Sometimes we will have Freudian slips that express our true disdain for the lamest of citizens (those who don't pledge). We apologize in advance for this. As you will come to see, we will cover a variety of topics which show, in depth, exactly why GDIs stink. As Ron Burgundy says, "It's science."
Please bear with this site as it works out its own kinks. Not every post will be lights out in Geed-bashing humor. It is the hope, however, that we can keep all of you non-GDIs entertained while educating the ignoramuses of the GDI world of their crappiness.
Thank you very much.
We'll try our best to keep this site from being overtly offensive, but there are no guarantees. Sometimes we will have Freudian slips that express our true disdain for the lamest of citizens (those who don't pledge). We apologize in advance for this. As you will come to see, we will cover a variety of topics which show, in depth, exactly why GDIs stink. As Ron Burgundy says, "It's science."
Please bear with this site as it works out its own kinks. Not every post will be lights out in Geed-bashing humor. It is the hope, however, that we can keep all of you non-GDIs entertained while educating the ignoramuses of the GDI world of their crappiness.
Thank you very much.
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