Zipadee Doo Dah, Mother Fuckers!!!

Welcome friends, one and all, to a world void of happiness!! Our economy sucks, the government is incompetent... it's fucking Doomsday!!! Yaaaaa!

Why am I wearing this shit-devouring grin?? Simple, you silly fuck. I'm banged up on MEDS, because that's all any of us can do to stay afloat nowadays!!

Your retirement plan? GONE! Your kid's College Education, VANISHED! Your stock portfolio?!?! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Armageddon is upon us, folks! And if ever there was a time to make good on those promises to move to Canada, it's right fucking now!



But look at it this way, at least you're not as fucked as ^ that geezer ^.

Keep Smilin' You Little Pussy...

Because you just got ZORNED.

Touchdown

I hate the Cowboys. They aren't Geeds. I admit that. They're frat.

But the Redskins have the most racist team name in sports and, in spite of countless petitions, litigation cases, and proposals, the Washington Redskins keep their name.

But there's one way the Native Americans can get their dignity back.

And it happens once, twice a year.

When their own Washington Native Americans take on their Arch Nemeses, Dallas Cowboys.

So tomorrow, our own resident Native American, Jason Campbell (he's black, actually), will exact revenge on his oppressors, and end this delusion that the Cowboys are to 2008-2009 what the New England Gaytriots were to 2007-2008.




Fight on, Fight on,
Til you have won,
Sons of Wash-ing-ton
eyeyey!

Hail to the Redskins
Hail Victory
Braves on the Warpath
Fight! For Native Americans' rights!

-Riggins

The World Just Got a Little Geedier

Paul Newman
January 26, 1925 – September 26, 2008

My Name is Bono, listen to my words

"Hello.

(pause)

(pause)

My name is Bono.

(squints eyes and peers into the sky, inhales deeply, looking to be deep at thought)

And people care about what I have to say.

(cues a recording of a large crowd roaring)

The world is hurting. And it needs to be healed. And who better to do the healing than me.... Bono.

(30 Second pause)

After all, who better to speak on world affairs than a man whose whole gimmick is wearing Euro-trash leather jackets, fruity sunglasses with a UV protection of 0, and slicked back hair down to his shoulders?

(Pause)

No one. That's who.

(Pause)

People love my band. And I can see why. Everyone has to love a band that plays the same song over and over again and just slaps a different inspirational name to each one, right?

Right.

(Pause)

So I'm telling you, being Irish and all, that you must vote for Barack Obama. Because I'm Irish, I can't vote, and I'm a celebrity.

Unos, dos, tres, Catorcaaaaaay!


[Fuck Bono]

Someone was Drunk at ESPN...

...When they came up with this title:



-Solid work.

Geed of the Week #2: Joe Lieberman (owitz/awitz/enstein/berg)

Joe Lieberman is a fucking doosh. First of all, his "zero-charisma personality" brought nothing to Al Bore's ticket in 2000. Fine, fair. But then he starts calling himself an independent because he gets questioned by his party regarding his stance on certain issues. Fine still, I guess. But then, this worm throws his support behind John McCain (a personal friend), which is fine, even IF it's a direct "fuck you" to his so-called former party.

But then this pussy-maggot spoke in support of John McCain (make note, I don't mind McCain. He is a man amongst men, a war hero, and very deserving to be President) at the RNC.

Die in a frying pan, Joe Liebermanowitzensteinenklausenfarbaberg. I'm glad neither Dems nor Republicans like you anymore. You're a piece of shit.

-USA

GDI Disambiguation

Every once in a fortnight, it's useful to actually help GDIs. It's a shocker, sure, but it can also help non-GDIs differentiate between terms that are, at times, somewhat ambiguous. Here are helpful hints so you know what the eff you're talking about:

GDI- Plain and simple. A GDI decided against pledging. It's pretty simple and is the term where all variations come from.

Geed- This is pretty much synonymous for "lame loser who loves even lamer things". It gets confusing when you tell one of your otherwise non-Geed friends that he's acting like a Geed, being a Geed, or you tell him to stop being a Geed. This is the term you use when you need to wake him up from his slumber. Saying, "Stop being a Geed" is a call-to-arms. If you are in a fraternity, you can still be a Geed, just not a GDI (because you are not an Independent... you pledged, get it?). Don't toss this term around lightly, because the wrong person can take it the wrong way, and your ties of friendship could potentially be forever severed.

Geedasaurus, Giganti-Geed, Supergeed, Rumpelgeedskin, Geed Laureates- These are all examples used for a special class of Geeds or GDIs (yes, can refer to standard GDIs or Geedy friends). Much like fraternity guys are split into different echelons of sweetness, GDIs and Geeds are divided into categories of lameness. And these guys are at the top. Maximum geed levels are achieved by all.

Anal Geeds, Geeds R Us, Frisgeeds, Geedters- These are terms used for a grouping of Geeds. They differ in their level of cleverness (Anal Geeds is a variation of Anal Beads, for example). Groups of Geeds increase in danger as their numbers increase. Avoid avoid avoid situations in which there are large groupings of GDIs (unless you are using Hit-N-Run tactics, such as quick-hittin' thievery).

And then, there's this fuck-tard:



For some reason this no talent asshole is loved by GDIs and Geeds everywhere. He fucking sucks and don't waste one single breath on him.

-He should "Hung" himself.

(Sorry)





(Naht).

Morons

Nice.

GDAnImals #1: Poodles

This thing looks like shit. And, trying to think of reasons why a human being would enjoy being seen with this animal turned out to be a fruitless venture. And then I realized something verrry important regarding poodles.

They're poodles. Dogs. Animals. They can't brush their own hair. They can't groom themselves. And they can't help it if their owners are secretive child-touchers.

But the troubling thing about these kinds of poodles is that they win a lot of dog shows. What does that mean? It means GDIs have infiltrated further into the American psyche (even into something as meaningless as a bunch of stupid mutts trotting around in a circle while some bald asshole fondles their balls and sticks their fingers up their asses) than we might have previously given them credit for.

If this were a GDI-free world. Only one type of dog would EVER win an award for ANYTHING. Allow me to introduce you to Junkyard, the English Bulldog:



This guy is a fucking champ. If he ran into that stupid poodle in a pool-hall, he'd bash a poolstick over its head and straddle its face with his 3 lb. balls. Bulldogs like snoring, eating, farting, sleeping, and copulating. So throw away the toy poodle, the weeny-Chihuahua, the pussy dachsund... and pick up a Bulldog, Pitbull, Husky, or Akita. You'll thank me later.

-And hire somebody poor to pick up your dog's shit.

GDI Haters: Mike Ditka

"Drop and give me 200. Make it 500. And make it fast, you fruitcups!

I've been hearing a bunch of SHIT lately about hemp-wearing, whale-saving, veggie-eating, O'Doul's drinking, fur-hating PUSSIES and it makes me f*cking sick! And I'm taking it out on you.

Why? Because I can. Because I'm the Coach. Because I'm wearing a Bears sweater under my suit jacket. My mustache is hairy and smelly, my sunglasses are husky, and my hair-style would survive a Category-6 Hurricane.

Oooh, you missed the Bears game on Sunday because you were at bible-study with your family? Fuck you. God wasn't listening to your bible study, because he was watching Tony Siragusa dunking a football in Nacho Cheese and trying to eat the hot dog rollers.

And you're going to sleep early tonight because of work tomorrow? Does that mean you're going to miss the Cowboys-Packers game? I'm going to hunt your grandkids down and forcefeed them my toenails, because that is a Bullsh!t excuse.

Your wife doesn't approve of football because of its inherent violence? First, I don't even know what "inherent" fucking means. Second, your wife is a vapid whore.

And you know why I know this? Because I'm Mike Ditka, and you're no better than a piece of rat-dropping, you fucking GDI.

-Coach

GDI Repellant #2: Tailgating

I got BOFFO'd at the Redskins game this weekend. Absolutely dirt-napped. Made the stellar decision to have an easy night on Saturday (by drinking until 3 AM) in preparation for an 8:30 departure from B-more to FedSex Field. Rolled in to the parking lot around 9:30, tried to bring our cooler of shitty brew on the stadium shuttle, were told we couldn't, filled my bag with about 25 beers, got on the shuttle anyways (defeating GDI Dan Snyder's intentions of keeping the fans sober), and met up with some warm bodies by around 9:50 AM. First beer at 9:52 (a little delay to introduce myself to the people who I'd be jacking beers from after a few hours).

I scanned the horizon for GDIs and, shocker, there were none to be found. Sure there were a few fat retards, a couple foreign-looking characters, some ugly chicks, but no GDIs. The majority of the population was made up of young, mid-age, and elder legitimate characters. Hot babes-a-plenty, beers and barbecues out the asshole.



Those girls probably weren't there, but they probably had their twins in attendance. I realized that football games preceded by tailgates are a great safe-haven for people who hate GDIs and want a great day completely void of them.

So, 10 AM-12:30 PM, boozed, played cornhole, threw some horse-balls around, got some random slores' numbers (though my beer goggles were strong, so I don't know that I'll be ringing them up-- more research needs to be done). 12:30-4:00 was bliss. Boozing hard, shirtless as the day I was born, making friends with all sorts of weirdos, and a Redskins victory. There was only one near-incident, and it involved two nerdy lesbians who kicked us out of their seats. So I dealt with that maturely (by flicking them off, calling them names, and sneering at them until they left at the start of the 4th Quarter).

And felt awesome on Monday, of coursee.

-Naht.

Might as Well Continue Today's Theme

I'd watch this:

Ways to Repel a GDI: Bloodsport

Face it. GDIs hate movies that involve sports, fighting, blood, and Jean Claude Van Damme. This cinematic masterpiece has it all. If you ever find yourself in a corner surrounded by a bunch of geedmasters, pop this bad boy in (preferably on VHS, which is sweeter that gDiVD), and those roaches will go-a-scramblin'. I promise you this.



If you can't watch this and get amped, check your fucking pulse to make sure you're not dead. Or even worse, check to make sure you're not a GDI.

-Mr. Kennedy

GDI Enemies Part 1: GDInternet

I'm pretty much guilty as charged when it comes to visiting social-networking sites such as Facebook (MySpace and shit like that need not apply, however). I'm not allowed on Facebook at work, but when I get home at night, one of the first things I do is hop on and scout photos of hotties (creepy, yes), sign onto some fake accounts, draw some offensive graffitti, and insult my friend Matt from Baltimore.

But a line has been crossed. And, no surprise, I place all of the blame on GDIs.

Pornographic material is no longer the #1 most visited thing on the internet. That distinction now belongs to GDI shit like Facebook and MySpace. Seriously, that is fucking absurd.

Instead of scoping hotties on the net, GDIs would rather make comment after comment on people's photos on facebook, join pointless groups, and do all that shit. It's one thing to enjoy those things, but it's another to put that as a top priority over yankin' it.

True story, during its prime, 1 out of 5 hits on websites were pornographic in nature. That number has been HALVED. Halved to 1 in 10. Ridiculous.

GDIs are taking over, folks. You think Greenspan is bad? Wait until you see the generation of shitheads that we are breeding. God help us, indeed.

-Mr. Kennedy.

Geed of the Week: Allan Greenspan

What's up, you old fucking fogie? Heard you talking about the state of the economy today, and it don't sound too good! Well no fucking shit, you ancient asshole, it's because you screwed everything up.

Down 400+ points today??? What the fuck are you doing anyways? Don't you have a job to do? Don't you have to answer to the shitty methods you've used to put MY MONEY in this predicament?

Jesus H Bonkers, FUCK YOU, man!

You want to talk about one of the all time "Old Asshole-who-gets-away-with-shit-just-because-he-shits-his-pants" Geeds, you're talking Allan the Asshat Greenspan.

Thanks a million, shithead. And congratulations, for you are the first inductee into the "Geeds Stink Geed Hall of Fame". Run yourself into a sword.

-Mr. Kennedy

Ways to Say Yer Gettin' Drunk

We like to educate here at Geeds Stink. And one of the important things to educate people on is how not to sound like a Geed when you're telling someone you're going to get drunk tonight. So we've compiled a short list of sweet ways of saying you're getting blasted (see, that's one).



Getting bombed
Getting mangled
Getting shitty
Getting Messy
Getting bent
Getting bent out of shape
Getting loose
Getting sloppy
Getting destroyed
Getting morphed
Getting torn up
Getting stampeded
Getting rocked
Getting romped
Getting nasty
Getting dismantled (my favorite)
Getting devolved
Getting bonked
Getting dissheveled
Getting embarrasing
Getting knocked around
Getting banged up
-----

There are hundreds more, but we'll leave those for another day. You're welcome.

-Mr. Kennedy

GDI Chronicles #1: Backwards Backpack Biach

What's up, you fucking dork? You think you're cool with your backwards backpack? Pretending your pregnant? Well newsflash, Walter Cronkite, you're fucking not!

You're a dumpster dwellin' GDI.

Is it funny to joke with your lame friends that you look pregnant? Fuck no. You look like a joke. Which is appropriate. Because that's what you are, shithead.

In fact, on this little biach, it looks totally appropriate. Because this slore will likely be pregnant in 10 years (age of 16, max).

It's a bit unfair to pick on this dainty daisy, but she's the only result google returned when I searched for "Backwards Backpack". So fuck Google too.

You ever see an idiot wearing his backpack backwards, you tell him what's up. If he and his GDI friends are guffawing over their cleverness, you take that asshat, mash his face to the ground, curb stomp him, and steal his back pack.

Because that's what backwards backpack-wearin' morons deserve.

-Sorry little girl (naht).