A GDI Weekend Continued

Below we continue our exclusive top secret look into the GDI's weekend.

Saturday, 6 AM:
After a satisfying sleep, it's time to attack the day with a renewed vigor. The GDI fixes himself a granola-based oatmeal that is extremely low in fat and high in fiber, in the hopes that it will lead to a healthy and hearty bowel movement. A clean colon will minimize the risk of cancer 60 years down the line. The GDI washes this down with a glass of freshly squeezed semen... I mean, freshly squeezed Orange Juice. Sorry, Freudian slip.

7AM:
Hearty and Healthy bowel movement.

8AM:
Time for a nap. By this time, the GDI has accomplished more in 2 hours than most men will accomplish during their entire day. GDIs are also smug bastards.

10 AM:
Put your knitting skills to use as you knit your cat a little sweater. What a loser you are.

11:30:
It's Soduku power hour! See how many Soduku puzzles you can complete in 1 hour. The answer on this occasion?? 23.

12:30 PM:
Lunch time. Enjoy your tomato soup and flax-packed crackers. Wash it all down with a glass of prune juice. Boy oh boy, I bet your afternoon deuce is going to be a dandy. Gee willikers.

1:30 PM:
See 7 AM.

2:00:
Watch "Accepted" again. Man that movie rocks!

4:00:
Nap time. You have to rest up for a wild night on the town.

7:00:
Shower and shave. Wait, you don't shave, because you're a testosterone-void pussy.

7:30:
Hit the town. It's time to work the charm and land a lady friend...

8:00:
At the library. Time to pass the hours with a nice book. Your book of choice? "Frats are from Mars (where the morons are), and GDIs are from heaven (where angels and geniuses are from)". Man you hate frats.

9:30:
You are exhausted. And it's past your bed time. Time to get home and gear up for a fulfilling and wonderful Sunday.

10:00:
Kiss your cat good night, give him a hand job, and drink your glass of warm milk. What a wonderful day it is to be you.


Check back soon for a Sunday in the life of a GDI.

What a GDI does on the Weekends

The weekend of a God Damned Independent is typically mundane and filled with frat bashing. I thought it would be interesting to take a look into this world of dooshbaggery and give you, the reader, an inside look into the GDIs shitty weekend existence.

Friday: 5:00 PM.
The weekend is here. Yay! The GDI leaves work, hops to his car, turns on "Working for the Weekend", and drives the speed limit to the grocery store instead of the bar for happy hour. Once there, GDI stocks his dwindled supply of sparkling cider, organic goods, and vaginal cleaner. He will also most likely buy his girlfriend's tampons, remaining unbothered by this sure sign of spinelessness.

Friday: 6:00 PM.
Take a load off, it's not easy being a complete doosh bag, Mister GDI. But you do it well. Pop in your special edition, extended version of "Accepted", starring Justin Long, and laugh at people who have better lives than you.

Friday: 7:00 PM.
Empty your cat's litter box, because you aren't cool enough to own a dog. Cats are for total GDIs.

Friday: 9:00 PM.
Bed time. You have a long day of bland things to do tomorrow. You need to rest up. Thank god you don't drink, or else you might be hungover in the morning, and you don't want that. Night night!

Saturday and Sunday, coming soon.